🪤 The Trauma Trap: How to be Vulnerable

Stories of personal hardship seem to be an almost obligatory part of every talk and podcast that I listen to these days.

It suggests to me that a lot of thought leaders are feeling the pressure to be publicly vulnerable in order to succeed.

Now don’t get me wrong, vulnerability is important, but this idea that you need to share a story of personal hardship in order to achieve it, is completely wrong. Why? Because…

This, I hope, is good news for many of you. I've had a number of conversations with people recently, who either:

1. Don't have a story of personal hardship at all, or

2. Do have one, except it's completely irrelevant to their topic so they're reluctant to share it.

Now, I don't want to dismiss the power of lived experience. Nor do I want to sound insensitive to the stories that shape us and the courage it takes to share them. But when sharing these stories feels more like:

❌ A therapy exercise for the speaker, than
✅ A valuable piece of the puzzle for the audience

It can feel manipulative because it's not in service of the message.

This is why I think Charles Duhigg's take on vulnerability is SO on the money. In this 106 second clip from the Modern Wisdom Podcast, he does what all great thought leaders do… change the way you think about something 🍿.

So vulnerability is important, but there are so many other ways of showing it without needing to fall into the trauma trap...

1. Sharing an opinion that might divide the room 🎯

   ↳ "Not everyone in here will agree with this, but..."

2. Acknowledging you don't know it all 💭

   "Truth is, this is something I'm still figuring out..."

3. Sharing how you're actually feeling 🫣

   ↳ "I'm a little nervous because the last time I spoke in public..."

4. Admitting a change in beliefs 🎭

   ↳ "I used to think x; now I think y."

5. Sharing a cautionary tale 😬

   ↳ "I made this decision. It hurt someone. And I still think about it."

This is what true vulnerability looks like. And it starts with a prompt…

What am I willing to say here that feels honest,
a little exposing and completely aligned with what I came to share?

I hope this gives you a little food for thought this week.

Alex

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